So it’s been a week since my latest theater endeavor ended. If I haven’t told you, I was part of the recently concluded production of Tanghalang Ateneo called Godot5. Basically it was 5 ruminations of the classic Beckett piece, “en attendant Godot”, or more popularly known (to most of us at least) as “Waiting for Godot”. I’ve already posted a bunch of cheesy things previously about how much difficult yet fulfilling working in this production was. To say that this play was life changing was an understatement.
One week. And I’m missing the play. Terribly.
So I sat down and reflected about what I miss most about the play. This won’t be a long post, but I’ve had some several thoughts which I think might apply to a bunch of us with regard to waiting for someone or in terms of missing something.
Of course, first and foremost I miss the people. I miss being around people who are just so passionate about what they do. I miss laughing and making jokes with everyone. Despite doing so many different things, and stressing out over rehearsals and the time that we had left till opening night (especially those people who were still memorizing days before opening – like me), we still came together and was able to share a lot of happy moments. I especially miss my co-actors in my set, who were all so endearing (yes, even you sungit Xander). I miss playing around yet still ending up doing something so serious.
I miss the godot set. That small piece of road with a platform and a tree. That was home. That was the place where we created, collaborated, and moved people.
But what I really miss was that sense of certainty. I have mentioned this to some select friends, but I wanted to share this reflection. Being part of godot gave me a sense of certainty with who I was, what I was doing, how I was thinking.
In our lives, we become part of things, we do things, but sometimes we aren’t really sure if what we’re doing is something that we’re SUPPOSED to be doing. We tend to ask ourselves questions like “should I be doing this? what the hell was I thinking? how much longer do I have to do/endure this?”. We get frustrated, we get tired, and we feel like we jumped into things a little too quickly. Like for the students, we commit to being a beadle, but then sometime during the sem, we get annoyed at having to do beadle tasks because they can be time consuming and unfulfilling. Same thing for some orgs. More so outside of school. We apply for and accept jobs that initially feel like they will change us, and make us better people. Then comes the time where we question said jobs because we feel like it no longer makes us grow. Some people leave, some people endure, some people disregard these questions. Sometimes, we may not exactly understand how the world works, but we still try our best to live everyday.
But that wasn’t the case for Godot^5. Everyday that I have to go to the theater, from around 5pm, until the time I leave at around 10pm, I knew I was exactly where I wanted to be, doing what exactly I was supposed to be doing, thinking and doing it in the way I was supposed to be thinking and doing it. That no one else in the world at that moment, despite who they are, can do exactly what I was doing for my set. I don’t care if they’re more good looking, more talented, more blah blah blah than me. Only I could do it, and it was a task that I had to do. Sort of like Frodo being the one who brings the one ring to Mordor. No one else could do it. And that is something that gives a person fulfillment. Knowing that they are doing something that is worth something. That was the sense of certainty. And I’m so thankful to everyone who believed in us to do this task. And I hope that what we did was enough to give justice to the solid material and to engage the audience that took time and spent money to watch the play. And I’m so blessed and grateful for just even being given the chance to feel that sense of certainty, that sense of fulfillment. And add to that, sharing it with people I knew were doing the same thing. It was all so inspiring.
A good friend of mine, Kenny Lirios, once said (I think this quote is from the wise Gandalf, I mean Mr. Pagsi):
“There are only three things that man needs to be happy: A job to do, a person to love, and a tomorrow.”
We should all find that job to do that makes us fulfilled (or at least trick ourselves long enough to endure it for us to find its fulfillment). A person to love (even if it isn’t the cheesy romantic kind of love). It could be just loving your family, your close friends, or even just ourselves for that matter! And to bring those to the tomorrow. Where so much magic happens.
So I guess now that the play is over I have to look for that again. I’m pretty sure that it isn’t so hard to find. Some people think it is. But it really shouldn’t be. So long as you use your heart as a compass, and your passions as a map. Looking forward to that tomorrow!